March 2024 

 

I saw five different therapists in a month. Number one, two and three were just okay. It was nothing really special. Their tones seemed a bit clinical or cold, coming across as judgemental, making it difficult to connect with them. I think the advice they gave was maybe 5% helpful. I found myself crowdsourcing the bits I found useful from each call and tried to make the most of it. I only spoke to number four for only ten minutes before leaving the call.

 

However, number five was the best therapist I’ve ever had. 

 

Turning twenty-nine was a big milestone for me. If you knew me, you’d know I’ve never really liked to do anything last minute and if I can, I will try to be ahead of schedule, so it made sense that twenty-nine is the de facto thirty for me. I think most people have a general idea of where they’d like to be by thirty. Whereas your twenties might be about finding yourself through trial and error, taking risks and having fun, by thirty I would assume you would have everything figured out and be “stable”. You would have that stable career, that stable relationship and have that forever home. I was so confident that I would have all those things figured out by now, that everything would have fallen into place. I’m almost thirty and my life is composed of a series of “almosts”, that almost promotion, that almost relationship and an indefinite homebase. In your twenties, there is consolation in failure, because at least there is a good story or a good lesson and there was so much time to keep trying. But as you approach thirty, you feel like you’re running out of time, there is less time for recovery so you really can’t afford to make any mistakes. If we relate this to the stock market, when you’re younger, you have time to afford to bet on risky stocks, acknowledging that high risk may result in high yields. As you grow older, your risk tolerance becomes more moderate, you may invest in reliable stocks or bonds that are generally more safe so you can protect your assets. Your tolerance for risks in your professional and personal life as you get older must be more calculated and intentional. The troubleshooting period is essentially done. 

 

I started seeking therapy because turning twenty-nine was a major stress point for me. What if I pursue my goals, but I make a fatal mistake and I end up in the worst case scenario? What if I run out of time? I expressed my worries to number five. He and I instantly clicked. He was compassionate, intellectual, a touch funny and most importantly just made me feel understood. Five also talked to me in terms of concepts I can relate to: stocks, statistics, spirituality and skiing. 

 

What really resonated with me is his idea of a “spectrum of probability”. What people need to accept is that unfortunately we are not immune to the worst case scenario; there are sometimes unfortunate factors beyond our control. There is also a best case scenario in which we manifest exactly what we want. The best case scenario and the worst case scenario lie in that same plane of probability, amongst so many other possible scenarios. We often think that failure or injury is the worst case scenario, but the twist is inaction is in fact the legitimate worst case scenario. By not even trying, we are by default giving up our chances to obtain the best case scenario and we will perpetually think, “what if”. Our twenties should be about trial, error, mistakes, failure because that is how we learn the most important lessons. Maya Angelou once said, “When you know better, do better.” Ironically speaking, the more mistakes we make, especially when we’re younger, the better. Fall hard, but fall fast. If we graph our mistakes throughout our life, it will appear almost logarithmic since our twenties is about trial and error and figuring everything out, whereas when we become older, our decisions are informed, we are more intentional in our actions, and so we tend to make less mistakes. With this in mind, we have to remember to give ourselves and other people grace for mistakes made and instead give recognition for just trying our best. Our best is what we knew at that point in time. Five also noted that according to some studies in psychology, they concluded that in the face of the most traumatic events, humans are incredibly resilient and have the ability to adjust to the most terrible situations, therefore he asked me to trust that if the worst case scenario did occur, I would most likely be okay. I had no counter arguments to be said; I can't argue with the math.

 

The traditional practice of manifesting is this idea that where your attention goes, energy flows. The more effort we put into something, the more prepared we are, which increases the odds being in our favour and tipping the scale to the best case scenario. In the end we do obtain the best case scenario, but the universe will provide a best case scenario not even in the realm of our imagination. All the tangential experiences and detours are cohorts to the best case scenario. And sometimes what seems in the moment is the worst case scenario is actually tangent to the right path. It’s pivoting us towards something better. Life is not a linear path, it is sinusoidal. There are good days and bad days, but the sum of the parts is always net positive, and highest good for all.  The energy we put into controlling outcomes is ultimately futile, we need to trust our intuition and know that somehow we are being guided. I made a running list, with two columns, 20-25, and 26-30, keeping note of my key life experiences, relationships, careers, moves, friendships, failures, passion projects and travel experiences. I realised although I didn’t find my stability yet, I was at least on track. I could honestly say I completely maximised my twenties and do not have FOMO. There isn’t an experience I would give away, even the “bad” ones because at least they were lessons or good stories and you will appreciate everything more when things finally do work out. 

 

Finally, number five really encouraged me to live in the moment. Life is like skiing, he said. When we choose a new ski run, we can decide our risk tolerance but we can’t necessarily map everything all out. We don’t know what obstacles and terrains we will encounter, but our bodies will know how to adjust accordingly. All the years and practice we have put in has prepared us for the moment, and the best thing to do is to just be present and enjoy it.